Me Verses Febreze On My Teal Lazy Boy Dream Furniture, Who Won?

$150 for a set of teal Lazy Boy furniture! What’s the number and did I call you fast enough? Yes, Yes, I’m on my way! Oh and they were even nicer in person. The cushions were in great shape, no stains, non smoking home, and there was even a bounce when I sat down. After months of looking off and on only to be discouraged I hit the jack pot!

Why didn’t I go out and buy new furniture you ask? Well, over the years I’ve developed some serious chemical sensitivities, and the flame retardants and formaldehyde in new furniture in it’s non off-gassed state can be really annoying. You know, a tight chest, feeling like you’re going to panic because you can’t breath, throat irritation, headaches, and an immediate overall irritability. So you understand.

I’d looked on Criagslist and Facebook Marketplace for used furniture and ironically encountered another kind of obstacle. Ignore the visual a friend gave me of a strangers naked butt on the sofa. Nice right? Anyways, people are big into smell these days! They spray their synthetic chemical concoctions on furniture, in the room, and a different blend on themselves. Somewhere along the line, I just stopped being able to breath that. Now I can smell people and their laundry detergent from far away, and honestly I may hold my breath past them, or in the isle selling it.

So back to my story, I emptied my mother’s Honda Odyssey (That thing is super spacious.) and plugged the address into the GPS. I wanted to know what kind of person would sell this furniture at such a great bargain. As we approached I understood, the homes got taller; the grass more manicured, the children more relaxed in the street. It was Upper Hillside, the nicest area in Anchorage to my knowledge. I paid the nice man, and practically sped away. Finally the “Tides” had turned for me.

The ride home was uneventful. I felt fine. Somewhere in between trying to stuff an oversized couch, chair, and ottoman in my little apartment I started to get a headache. By the evening I was gagging. Upon buying, they mentioned a Febreze session a few months back, but surely I would be fine. I locked myself in the bedroom, listed the chair for sale and stayed positive. How could I clean this thing? Internet research commenced, beyond all the harsh chemicals I was left with a few options after lemon juice, which could have a bleaching action.

Borax

Baking Soda

Vinegar

Wait, I have this fancy ionized water machine that produces 11.5 ph water. The high PH acts as a degreaser which could break down the oil in Febreze and other plug in type fresheners. It’s only what I clean the pesticides off my produce on a regular basis. Why would this be any different?

Come to think of it, I also used it a few months back to shampoo the carpet knowing it would give me peace of mind I wasn’t adding any toxic off gassing chemicals to such a large surface area. Before I used something natural, but it still bothered me. Oh man, the dirt that came out was gross. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s just water. I know, but part of what makes Borax, and Baking soda so effective as an emollient is the fact it’s alkaline.

If you are here for a tutorial, without further ado, this is how I attempted to cleaned the Febreze off the fabric of an oversized Lazy Boy couch and ottoman.

1. My partner filled the steam cleaner with 11.5 ph water. He dipped a brush in the 11.5 and Borax and gave the frame a gentle scrub before using the steam cleaner to suck out the water. We used a large fan to dry it more throughly. We removed the cushion covers and I soaked them for a couple hours in 11.5 water before hand wringing them out under hot water. A lot of dirt came out. It was impressive.

2. I put them in the washer on a rinse spin cycle. They came out great. A normal person would have stopped there, but I could still smell a hint of fake flowers, and I wanted to imagine myself cozy and symptom free during the winter when the door was closed.

3. I pulled out a tarp and laid the cushion covers out. I soaked them in 11.5 ph again, only this time I used the brush to gently work in baking soda on both sides before pouring vinegar on top. This created an entertaining bubbling chemical reaction I found quite satisfying.

4. I let them sit in the sun for a couple hours before tossing them with closed zippers back into the washer with my fingers crossed. If this wasn’t going to do the trick. I was going to sell the couch for $300 on account of its excellent condition and brand new thorough bath.

5. I let the covers air dry while I removed the cotton batting from the exterior of the seat cushions. I also removed the cover holding the cotton in back cushions and just stuffed the cotton itself back into the covers. I figured this cotton could easily be added to from any craft store if it needed some perking up. This step was to ensure any smell that had initially seeped through the covers didn’t reinfect them after cleaning. I’m through. ;)

6. Next walk cautiously around the cleaned couch taking small breaths telling yourself it’s fine now and all you have to focus on at this point is rearranging your living room to fit the new furniture.

Don't stop reading just yet,... because after all that, (long annoyed pause) it didn’t work. I may not have soaked things long enough, but that smell turned out to be in the foam cushion too and I decided to say farewell If however you are looking to seal your cushions, I was looking into this before I let go. Wait, what!? I read all this and it didn't work? Yeah, these chemicals are pretty serious. I put the couch up for sale on Marketplace and it sold quickly. For your own purposes though, you might find this valuable. Here is what I would have done differently, as well as some cool tips if you find yourself with mystery allergies.

• Before buying used furniture, always ask if the seller likes to use air fresheners, pug ins, sprays, or scented laundry detergent, in addition to the other things on your radar, like pets or smoke. You knew that.

• When you arrive, work through looking strange and potentially save yourself those pesky symptoms by sitting on the furniture, smelling it, and just having a nice conversation relatively close to its vicinity. If you can smell the person, or house just from the driveway or garage. That’s not a good sign. In my experience, even wood doesn’t off gas. Those smells are designed to stay.

• Okey so you bought it. Yeah, If you can spend more time with this item outside, great! If not, move it into a room that is not crucial to your daily function. This way once you walk into the space after the door has been closed, you will know if it’s kosher to move integrate into a more central space like a living room or bedroom. You don’t want to feel like your safe space isn’t safe anymore if you develop a symptom and can’t move it by yourself in the middle of the night.

• If you are like me and taking a cleaning risk, if the weather permits, do that business outdoors. Use a garage, or your awesome friends garage. This way you can sniff test it and retreat to the safety of your home, and if it doesn’t work, you can just list it and sell it.

The cleaning power of baking soda and vinegar is awesome, and probably already your friend. I’m shocked to say even a powerful emollient degreaser like 11.5 ph Kangen water didn’t take that smell out. Again perhaps it could have be soaked longer, but what stands out to me is how those chemicals are made to last, and a little research into their toxicity I say if you your health is compromised say goodbye to that piece of furniture because it is simply not worth your symptoms changing for the worse.

If you are curious about this water, I speak of, drinking is where it’s at. The water is hydrogen rich and anti oxidizing which works wonders for anyone on a healing journey. Visit here for a wealth of information. The 2.5 ph water produced by the machine is another awesome took for the chemically sensitive allowing us to sanitize everything, even our mouths. Honestly, the business opportunity was why I joined, so I could work from home and recover my health.

Alas, what did you think of my cleaning experience? Do you have some great tips? I’d love to learn. I’d love to read your comment, or contact me. Thanks so much for stopping by, and if you think we have enough in common, I’ll notify you when my next blog comes out. Thanks for being here!